Two weeks into my new job, I’ve been introduced and introduced myself to a lot of people. The second question that usually comes up after which list/academic discipline I work on is where I came from–did I come directly from college, or from another company?
It’s flattering that I can pass for having just finished undergrad, but this also makes me question the value of the past few years, the time in between my actual undergrad experience and the present.
I used to always be ahead. I was taller than most kids my age. I took advanced classes. Somewhere along the way, I slowed down, and it seems more and more like grad school really put the brakes on both my personal and professional lives. Friends have been promoted, changed jobs, found long-term relationships and some have gotten married. Even friends in the same MFA program have “grown,” marrying, buying houses, and/or securing jobs that require the degree.
I don’t need my MFA for my job. For a lot of my co-workers, this is their first, or at the most the second, job out of undergrad. I’m happy with my decision not to pursue a career in academia, and I like the direction I’ve chosen. But I could be further along professionally if I’d come to this decision sooner.
If, suppose, would have, could have.
On most days, I stand by the reasoning that had I not gone to grad school, I probably would still be wondering what it would be like to try a MFA in creative writing. And that it would be harder to chase that dream if I’d worked these few years and found a stable career. Had I not gone to grad school, I could very likely still be in my last relationship, but maybe just because it would be easier to stay together than go our own ways.
It’s like I’m Bill Murray’s character in Groundhog Day, and I’ve woken up to find out that it’s February 2 again, and that “I Got You Babe” is playing again on the B&B alarm clock radio.
While my life hasn’t looped as much as his, I think that the important thing to take away from his experience is that he eventually uses his renewed second, third, etc. chances to his advantage. Now I just have to figure out how to best use my personal Groundhog Day. His accomplishments, which include mastering the piano, learning how to make ice sculptures, and wooing Andie MacDowell’s character, though impressive, aren’t really doing it for me.
