A few months ago, I was hanging out with an older friend of mine and her eight-year old son.
“Do you have an iPhone, Jess?” my friend asked, as she checked hers during a lull in our conversation.
I said that I just had a basic Verizon phone. Her son looked up from his homework.
“Do you have a Droid?” he asked.
Oh, lord. This child thought a Droid constituted an old phone. No, I didn’t have a Droid.
“My friend has an old phone,” he said. “It has a keyboard that slides out for texting.”
My phone didn’t have that either. I’m assuming his friend is also around eight years of age.
*
On my first day at my current job, my manager took me on a whirlwind tour. I was starting to feel like a show pony, being introduced to all these people I wouldn’t remember (nor would most of them remember me). Then we went downstairs so she could pick up her daily New York Times.
“I know I can get the New York Times on my iPad, but it’s just not the same,” she said. “Do you have an iPad or an iPhone?”
She has both.
“I have an iPod?” I offered. “I haven’t gotten there yet.”
“Well, we all go at our own pace,” she said.
*
I went to an office happy hour, and once again, during a lull in the conversation, half the people whipped out iPhones.
*
It was going to happen eventually, I guess.
Goodbye, old phone. You are slim and sleek and have a funky gold plate back cover that always got compliments, but there’s a new kid in town.
Forgive me.
I’m also not sure how this changes my relationship with my not-all-that-old iPod touch. I think we might just be gym buddies. Or long distance travel buddies, to conserve my phone battery.
This also flies against my very recent decision that I want to take a trip in the coming months and need to save money, but I think I can manage both. More on the possible trip later.
In recent years, all of my pseudo-New Year’s resolutions were about seeing things I’d already started to completion. Write X pages of my manuscript, then the following year, finish manuscript, et cetera.
2011 as a whole was a lot about finishing things. Finishing that manuscript, finishing grad school, finishing my life in Pittsburgh. Getting some closure with a relationship that’s been hanging in the balance these past few years.
But as the Semisonic song “Closing Time” says (oh, you know the one, and I bet you know the lines I’m going to quote here), “every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.” I started a few major things in 2011: life in a different city–a re-beginning, if you want to call it that, in a city I know well, a grownup job, and living with roommates again.
When I moved from Pittsburgh to Boston, I had a very basic plan: 1) get a job, 2) find an apartment, 3) build a social life. Number 1 took a long time, longer than I would have liked. But it got done. Number 2 was a stressful two weeks, but then I found a place, and so far so good.
Now Number 3.
This is going to be tricky. As frustrating as jobhunting was, there was still some predictability to the process. One does not send resumes and cover letters to befriend new people. Well, I guess online dating is sort of like applying for open jobs, and yes, I do have a profile on one site and haven’t been actively looking at any so-called “matches”, but–
Okay, I have to stop making excuses.
Still, my pseudo-resolutions for 2012 revolve on cultivating me, rather than focusing on other people. Taking better care of myself, which includes going to the gym and remembering to wear eye cream. Finding hobbies again: I’ve signed up for a beginner’s pottery class, and I really need to pay more attention to writing, as it really fell to the wayside during my unemployment woes. Volunteering is on my to-do list–and yes, volunteering is generally thought of being the opposite of self-centered, but my motivations are not completely altruistic–it would be like a hobby, something to keep me busy. Plus, I prioritized registering for pottery class over committing to a volunteering project.
And maybe along the way, I’ll achieve Number 3.
I’m skeptical of what the psychic I saw in September predicted for this year: a work-related trip to Alabama this spring (people in my position don’t generally travel), and a love triangle–I’m supposed to meet the third member early this year. If these things happen, well, that’s cool. But I’m not going to be sitting around and twiddling my thumbs, waiting.
And that, I suppose, can be my main resolution for 2012: don’t sit around. Do stuff. Good advice for everyone, at any time of year, right?
Okay, the Olivia Newton-John single is very giggle-worthy. Let’s watch it to get all that snickering out of our systems:
Fantastic. Now we’ll move on, okay?
Since I’m trying to be more grownup in other aspects of my life (oh, hello, corporate job), I decided to suck it up and try to get over my gym phobia. Other motivating factors: my ongoing weight-loss attempts and my corporate discount.
Primary reasons I used to avoid gyms: 1) I don’t like sweating; 2) I don’t like being so close to other people–I suspect they’re judging my lack of athleticism and my poor form.
Pseudo-Grownup Me realizes that #1 can’t really be avoided. Actually, it would be unhealthy if I didn’t sweat. But we could work on the self-consciousness problems at the root of #2.
The big thing I had to acknowledge was that membership gyms are not the same as middle school/high school gyms. Thank goodness. Gym teachers aren’t walking around, correcting my form. The other people working out are not the same chumps as my middle school/high school classmates. They’re too in their own zones to be judging me. And if they are looking at me, they’re much more discreet about it than adolescent punks and aren’t going to say it to my face. There are definitely some perks to adulthood.
The elliptical and I are friendly. I’m trying to like the treadmill more. My gym membership came with two complimentary sessions with one of the in-house personal trainers, and the trainer I had was remarkably non-judgmental while still identifying areas for improvement. The weights section is still intimidating with a lot of beefcake and grunting (I don’t belong to one of those grunt-free places), but at least I’ve made my peace with the cardio area.
I often run into coworkers, who put me to shame in the fitness department (I’m gleaming with sweat on my treadmill while So-and-So runs on hers without missing a beat), and I still don’t feel stronger, or more fit, or skinnier, though the number on the scale is definitely lower than it was a few months back. But I only started going to the gym a few weeks ago, so I guess expecting dramatic results is unrealistic.
If you think I’ve changed into a different person, with all this gym and weight loss talk, rest assured that I’m currently in New York visiting my family for Christmas and as always, there’s delicious food. I’d be a fool to abstain.
Two weeks into my new job, I’ve been introduced and introduced myself to a lot of people. The second question that usually comes up after which list/academic discipline I work on is where I came from–did I come directly from college, or from another company?
It’s flattering that I can pass for having just finished undergrad, but this also makes me question the value of the past few years, the time in between my actual undergrad experience and the present.
I used to always be ahead. I was taller than most kids my age. I took advanced classes. Somewhere along the way, I slowed down, and it seems more and more like grad school really put the brakes on both my personal and professional lives. Friends have been promoted, changed jobs, found long-term relationships and some have gotten married. Even friends in the same MFA program have “grown,” marrying, buying houses, and/or securing jobs that require the degree.
I don’t need my MFA for my job. For a lot of my co-workers, this is their first, or at the most the second, job out of undergrad. I’m happy with my decision not to pursue a career in academia, and I like the direction I’ve chosen. But I could be further along professionally if I’d come to this decision sooner.
If, suppose, would have, could have.
On most days, I stand by the reasoning that had I not gone to grad school, I probably would still be wondering what it would be like to try a MFA in creative writing. And that it would be harder to chase that dream if I’d worked these few years and found a stable career. Had I not gone to grad school, I could very likely still be in my last relationship, but maybe just because it would be easier to stay together than go our own ways.
It’s like I’m Bill Murray’s character in Groundhog Day, and I’ve woken up to find out that it’s February 2 again, and that “I Got You Babe” is playing again on the B&B alarm clock radio.
While my life hasn’t looped as much as his, I think that the important thing to take away from his experience is that he eventually uses his renewed second, third, etc. chances to his advantage. Now I just have to figure out how to best use my personal Groundhog Day. His accomplishments, which include mastering the piano, learning how to make ice sculptures, and wooing Andie MacDowell’s character, though impressive, aren’t really doing it for me.
I never wanted to be That Woman, the one perpetually on a diet, counting calories, constantly reading the backs of boxes or cans or jars for nutritional information. I love food. I love eating it. I love making it.
One thing that I don’t love, however, is exercising. I like walking, and I tolerate Pilates and yoga to a certain degree, but I tend to avoid anything more high-impact. Gyms remind me of high school Phys Ed, even if they smell better than the weight room in my school that reeked of Boy, and not in the good way. (Yes, I did go to a school with a lot more girls than guys, but I blame the weight room smell all on the dudes. Weight Training and Java Programming were the only two classes I took in which girls were in the minority. No, those classes were not my first choice-picks. I’d wanted Aerobics and Women’s Studies.)
You may see a problem here. I like eating. I don’t like exercising. And while “Asian girl” probably conjures up images of skinny lil’ things (I know a few, too), that’s not me. My family tends to be chubby.
I lucked out in college, and didn’t gain the Freshman 15. But through the course of grad school, I gained weight. Several culprits:
pizza and beer after classes got out at 9pm
lattes and big cookies while writing at the coffee shop
eating my feelings (said manuscript, general feelings of writerly inadequacy and “What am I doing with my life?”).
Coming back to Boston and not having the transition be as speedy as I’d imagined was also hard. Being unemployed often being bored. Yes, there was a beautiful city with sights to see at my very fingertips, but I was trying to save money. Although being poor also limited how much I ate out, I was never starving or limiting how much I ate. I was pretty depressed and inactive. One doesn’t burn many calories constantly scouring the Internet for job postings.
In October, I moved in with a different friend, with whom I’m still staying. B and I are both vegetarians, and since we’ve known each other a long time, I have a good sense of what foods he likes and dislikes. He also won’t take my money for letting me stay with him, but conceded to at least eating my cooking. The unemployed, after all, have more free time than full-time engineers. It’s not a living situation where a fresh, hot dinner is waiting for him whenever he gets home, but there are always at least leftovers in the fridge that he can have, if he chooses. And it’s just too bad that he doesn’t like kale, because I’m in a kale phase now. He’ll still eat spicy kale lasagna, despite his grumbling.
B had started to use his app on his iPhone called Lose It!, to record his daily exercise and caloric intake earlier this fall. The app also works on the iPod Touch, so I downloaded it out of curiosity. The app has a database of foods and their calories, but you can enter “new” foods and their caloric values manually as well.
I consider myself a healthy eater. Yes, I really should incorporate more vegetables into my diet, especially of the dark leafy green variety, but shouldn’t everyone? I have fruit everyday. Water’s my main beverage of choice. Most of my protein is plant-based.
Having an app take on the work of recording what and how much I ate in a day = HOLY CRAP. I don’t even do the post-9 p.m. beer and pizza, or the latte and giant cookie anymore.
One of my issues was portion control. I often scoffed at servings listed on food packaging. Just 2 cookies? I usually ended up eating 2 or 3 servings. When I was growing up, there was always more than enough food, and the encouragement was always to “Eat more” and clean my rice bowl. Even today I feel weird not cleaning my plate. This is especially bad at restaurants, where I don’t control how much is put on my plate in the first place–I could be eating two or three meals in one sitting.
Having a specific budget helped me make better food choices. Sure, I could–and did–eat four fun-size Milky Ways for breakfast the day after Halloween (along with a banana), but I knew that would affect the rest of the day, and had to make choices accordingly. At least I only ate four.
With Lose It!, you can input your ideal weight, and determine the rate at which you’d like to lose weight (1/2 pound a week, a pound a week, 2 pounds a week), and the app will calculate how many calories you should be consuming daily. As you lose weight and log in your new weight, the app modifies your daily caloric budget.
As for exercise, it counts as negative calories in the app. Want to eat more? Then you have to move more. A lot of exercises and their estimated caloric burn are programmed into the app, including broomball, sexual activity (three levels of it, too–light, moderate, and vigorous–ick), luge, running, walking and gardening.
It helped me that in early October, as I realized that my time in Boston could be coming to an end, I realized I didn’t want to spend what could possibly be my last month in the city cooped up indoors, feeling sorry for myself. I was going to go out and do things, gosh darn it. It also helped that the temperatures were finally cooling off, so that I could no longer make excuses about sweating as soon as the front door shut behind me.
When I started the Lose It! program, my BMI was 25, which is categorized as overweight. I’ve lost a few pounds since then, and have brought my BMI back down to the normal range, but I’m trying to get to the median of that range, around 22. My rationale is that it’s easier for me to lose weight than it will be in the future, especially if I have children someday and pack on baby weight. I’m aware that BMI measurements aren’t always accurate indicators of health, but they’re relatively easy guidelines.
The upcoming holiday season might prove a big challenge to calorie counting. I’m sure I fell off the wagon during my weekend trip to Davis, I ate out every meal, but when I weighed myself post-trip, there wasn’t that noticeable of a change. I made out okay with regards to Halloween. Now that I’m starting a new job, it might be more difficult to eat right and find time to exercise. It could also be good, in that I have to make even smarter food choices (because while it’s okay to eat four Milky Ways for breakfast when you’ve got no place to be, it’s not okay when you are at work and have to use your brain and interact with people). And there’s a gym chain that gives employees from my company a pretty substantial discount. I might try to get over my phobia of gyms.
I’m hoping that I still won’t be That Woman. Counting can be fun, right?
